Black, Grey and White
by Hyatt Insomnia
Summary: Ansem introspective peice. Post game thoughts on what happened...if he had lived sort of thing. Some shonen-ai themes. Weird Ansem/Riku/Sora love triangle.


Black, Gray and White  
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me, so bugger off. ^^;  
Warnings: Shonen-ai love triangle. Ansem/Riku/Sora.  
Notes: For my lovely, beautiful and talented wife, Jade Maxwell. This is for you. Story is from Ansem's point of view. Enjoy.   
  
Deep within my soul I feel that something isn't right. I know that something isn't right. Light can not live in everyone's heart. I know this for a fact because it does not live in mine. These thoughts have been plaguing me ever since I was defeated. How can Kingdom Hearts be light? How can there be light in everyone's heart? Why isn't it in my own? Am I that unworthy of happiness? If so, what did I ever do to deserve this?  
  
That kid, Sora, he understands so little. He knows so little, and yet somehow he was able to defeat me. It was some disturbing stroke of luck. Some incredibly horrible and unpredictable stroke of luck that now eats at the back of my mind. How can someone so dumb and naïve defeat me, Ansem, the one that knows all. I understand all. The true root of everyone's heart is darkness.  
  
I proved that with that boy Riku. He showed me that I was right. He has proven every theory that I have every theory that I will ever think of. That damned boy is just an exception, something that should be eliminated. So troublesome; just like an insect. Yes, a troublesome insect, one of those that you have in your grasp and no matter how much you push them, squish them or torture them they just refuse to die. So annoying.   
  
He made me question my meanings. He made me question my thoughts. Damn bug, why won't he just die? Why can't he leave me alone? Always, he plagues the back of my mind like some deadly disease that has never been heard of but yes in fact does exist. He, Sora, is the most deadly of them all. It isn't his body that he eats away, it's your mind; you're very soul. He eats away at your very existence, he's eating away at mine.   
  
I need something to clear my mind. I need to stop these thoughts. I hate that boy, but why can't I stop thinking about him? It just doesn't make sense to me. Am I that bothered by the simple fact that boy's alive? No, no, that's not it at all. I'm bothered by the fact that he actually by some miracle he managed to defeat me.   
  
Just wait. I will find some way to come back. I will find some way to defeat that boy and his light. I will prove that I was right. I will prove that Kingdom Hearts is indeed darkness, that the light was just something that had gotten stuck inside. It had to be it. There is no way that it could be light. People are not pure, and neither are their hearts. They're so full of anger and greed along with many other things.  
  
I look over at the boy whose vessel I had shared for so long. "Riku…" I whisper just for the sake of saying that name. Every since I had first found him, he also has plagued my thoughts. Not in the viral way that Sora has, but in a better way. It warms my heart whenever I see him. He's just like me in so many ways. His heart is open to the darkness. He's so willing, and he understands.   
  
He understands how I feel, how I think. He understands me in a way that no one else could. I believe I've grown soft after spending so much time alone. It's made me vulnerable to all sorts of things. I opened my heart to him as he opened his heart to the darkness. As he opened his heart to me. He came so willingly. I had never expected it.  
  
The words he spoke where so mysterious. I really didn't understand them. He told me he loved the boy. He told me he would anything to help him. He came to me because he heard of my power, of my theories, and he wanted my help. He wanted to get the boy with all of his heart, and so he opened his heart up to me. He let me in, and I came to him.  
  
So beautiful, he was then, he is even more now. The dark presence that's now in his heart makes him this way. I run my fingers through his soft silver strands of hair. They feel almost like silk. He moves at my touch and his sea green eyes open hesitantly.   
  
I've always wondered if he could love me the way he loves that boy; the way I love him. I doubt he could. Though he is attracted to me, he doesn't love me. He loves him. Damn boy, he ruins everything. He ruined my life, and stole the one I love. It's enough to break someone.   
  
"Beautiful," I whisper to him, letting my hand run through his hair again. They fall from my fingers, which soon find themselves placed gently underneath his chin. A faint pink color covers his cheeks from my actions, anticipating and waiting for what I'm going to do next. I smile at him though he doesn't smile back his chin leans into my touch.  
  
I draw his head upward towards me and press my lips gently against his. They where always so warm, so bittersweet, like strawberry tarts. They always tasted so good. I can feel him return my kiss, he never was reluctant, no matter how much he claims to love that other.  
  
I began to run my fingers through his haven of hair once again, taking in the full feel of each and every strand of the silver threads. My tongue rolls over his lower lip carefully. Moan escapes his lips allowing me entrance into his mouth, which I gratefully take advantage of. I kiss him deeply for a while, enjoying the taste of his mouth, the feel of his hair and his ever so gentle and boyish smell.  
  
My luck was great to have been able to find such a treasure. If only I had found him first. I frown a bit at that thought and pull away from him. I wish I didn't have to, but my stomach was beginning to tighten and it was making me dizzy.   
  
He sits up, pulling me into him. My head rests upon his chest. "Something's bothering you again," he frowns at me, and I feel a deep twinge of pain inside my heart. It makes me want to cry. "Please talk to me about it."  
  
A sigh, which I had been holding back, escapes my lips. "Riku," I whisper, a chill goes down my spine at the sound of the boy's name, "Could you ever love me?" The question hung out in the air. I wanted to know the answer, but I didn't. What if he said no? What if he said yes? Either way I know it would be my downfall.   
  
If he said no, I would be crushed. My heart would break into pieces so small they would never be able to be seen. On the other hand, if he said yes, I would be delighted. But it would make me weak. Being able to love him would make me weak. All of my objectives would be lost. All of my work would be pointless. Maybe things where find the way they where.  
  
"I could try," he whispered back in his strangely gentle but rough voice. My heart melted right then and there. It was the perfect in-between. It wasn't a yes or no. It wasn't black or white. It was maybe. It was gray. That was the perfect answer. The answer I had wanted, and the answer that I was happy to receive. Sure I would never be completely aware of his feelings, but it gives me hope without letting me become tied down or attached to him.  
  
Still… would he ever love me as much as he loves the boy? Would I ever be enough for him? Somehow I doubt I ever will be. I can't be. I'm darkness, and Sora is a light. Riku needs them both. Sora needs Riku, and so do I. It's an endless cycle. It's the three side of the triangle.   
  
It is black, gray and white.  
~fin~  
I wrote that a while ago on my friend's computer. ^^; Finally got it on my own computer so I can actually post it. I hope it was as interesting as I remember it. -_- however that was a month or so back…gah! 


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